My thoughts on fall weather from a spring perspective:

Enough with the pictures of Ugg boots, leaves, and your DAMN PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES. I HAVE HAD ONE BEFORE AND IT TASTES LIKE ASS. Also, according to a study done by NASA there are approximately 400,246,300,201 trees on gods green earth which not only means that I have in fact seen a leaf before, and a tree, but that each and every one of you sorry suckers has 61 trees of your very own. Nothing special about it. You in fact are not all that and a bag of potato chips. And finally Ugg boots, which are secretly my guilty pleasure but i’ll deny it harder than Bill Clinton denies having sexual relations with that woman. Anyway, fall is a big ol pile of bullshit. It’s the season filled with empty promises. You think the temperature will go from hotter than satan’s balls to something more reasonable like a breezy 60, right? You think that all of the bugs that make you run to a corner will all be dead and once again peace will be restored in the universe, right?? You would seem to think that the bikers that nearly run you over every day would get too cold and remain indoors where they belong, RIGHT???? Wrong.

There I was, on what appeared to be a  beautiful fall day. Spinach wrap in hand, I was ready to take on the world. I had just sat down on a bench and taken out my laptop when I realized it was a little toasty. Hm, “that’s weird” I thought, seeing as it was the first of November. A little aggravated, I moved over a couple feet to a different bench, perfectly placed in a shady area. I got my things out again, and was just starting to get to work when I was VICIOUSLY ATTACKED by a swarm of fleas. This went on and on and you bet your sorry ass I made a big scene over it. Finally I managed to kill or maim all of those bastards and could FINALLY get back to stalking my Aunt Linda on facebook when I glanced down, about to go in for the last bite of wrap. And who do I see staring back up at me? A SPIDER. I screamed. I had no other choice but to tuck my tail between my legs and run away, defeated and sweaty… another victim of fall weather. What happened to me doesn’t need to happen to anyone else. Protect yourselves, and use this valuable information to make others aware of the dangers of fall weather. If we work together, we can end this. Please show support by signing my petition to get rid of the sun, therefore creating eternal winter.


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